DEMENTIA TEST

MMM Good

 

 

  

The Hip Grandpa Investment Guide

 

With all the turmoil in the market today and the collapse of Lehman Bros and Acquisition of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America this might be some good advice.  For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

 

Watch for these consolidations later this year:

 

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W R. Grace Co. Will merge and become:

Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

 

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become:

Poly, Warner Cracker.

 

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

MMMGood.

 

4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:

ZipAudiDoDa.

 

5.) FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

FedUP.

 

6.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

PouponPants.

 

And finally…

 

7.) Victoria’s Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:

TittyTittyBangBang

 

Your Yearly Dementia Test

Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?
?
?
?
?
?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!

Don’t you remember your own name? It was YOU!!

 

Think About This!

 

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

 

What if there were no hypothetical questions? 

 

Is there another word for synonym?

 

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 

 

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

 

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

 

 

Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah’s Ark

 

1.     Remember that we are all in the same boat.

 

2.     Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.

 

3.     For safety sake, travel in pairs.

 

4.     Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

 

5.     Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

 

TOP 25 SAYINGS WE’D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

  

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

 

Plagiarism saves time.

 

TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

  

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

 

 

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

 Sign over a Gynaecologist’s Office:
“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

At a Propane Filling Station :
“Thank heaven for little grills.”