FOUR LIFE LESSONS from the Internet
1 – First Important Lesson – Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read The last one: ‘What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?’ Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50’s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if The last question would count toward our quiz grade. ‘Absolutely,’ said the professor. ‘In your careers, You will meet many people. All are significant They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do Is smile and say ‘hello.’ I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. – Second Important Lesson – Pickup in the Rain
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and Sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. ‘How much is an ice cream sundae?’ he asked. ’Fifty cents,’ replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. ‘Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?’ he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. ‘Thirty-five cents,’ she brusquely replied. The little boy again counted his coins. ‘I’ll have the plain ice cream,’ he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn’t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. I could not believe this! It is from an orthopedic surgeon:
This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can’t. It’s pre-programmed in your brain!
Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY……) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6′ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so! And there’s nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you’ve not already done so.
WARNING SIGNS
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
Open Other End.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins
Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?
On a Sears hairdryer
Do Not Use While Sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos
You Could Be A Winner! No Purchase Necessary. Details Inside.
On a bar of Dial soap
Directions: Use Like Regular Soap.
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert
Do Not Turn Upside Down.
(printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding
Product Will Be Hot After Heating.
On a Korean kitchen knife
Warning Keep Out Of Children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights
For Indoor Or Outdoor Use Only.
On a Japanese food processor
Not To Be Used For The Other Use.
On Sainsbury’s peanuts
Warning – Contains Nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
Instructions: Open Packet, Eat Nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw
Do Not Attempt To Stop Chain With Your Hands Or Genitals.
On a child’s superman costume
Wearing Of This Garment Does Not Enable You To Fly.
On some frozen dinners
Serving Suggestion – Defrost.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
Fits One Head.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron
Do Not Iron Clothes On Body.
On Boot’s “Children’s” cough medicine
Do Not Drive Car Or Operate Machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid
Warning: May Cause Drowsiness
On a toy Harry Potter broom
Caution; broom does not actually fly
WACKY HEADLINES
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
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Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
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Miners Refuse to Work
after Death
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Juvenile Court to Try
Shooting Defendant
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War Dims Hope for Peace
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
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Cold Wave Linked to
Temperatures
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Enfield Couple Slain;
Police Suspect Homicide
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Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
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Astronaut Takes Blame for
Gas in Spacecraft
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
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Hospitals are Sued by
7 Foot Doctors
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Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids
Lie Down On Bed And Insert Poscool Slowly Up To The Projected Portion Like A Sword-Guard Into Anal Duct. While Inserting Poscool For Approximately 5 Minutes, Keep Quiet.
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Filed under: Cartoons, Grandparents, Humor, John Lehman, Jokes, Jokes, Humor, Stories, Grandparents, Questionable Advice, Cartoons, Questionable Advice, Stories | Tagged: Foot, Warning Signs, Fritos, Nuts, Genitals, Harry Potter, Headlines
