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    Want to go into business for yourself and need some basic sales and marketing tools. Take a quick look at my JumpStartNewBusiness.com. It may just be the answer to your prayers. In any case, add "The Hip Grandpa" to your Favorites and check it often. Thanks for your interest and suggestions. - John

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  • TOO MANY POETS

    Ignore the depressed, alcoholic and suicidal poets and those who teach students, they can’t write. Listen to the four-year-old, alone in the attic singing, “I’ve been working on the rainbow” quietly to himself.

  • THINK ABOUT IT

    1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 6 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 7 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 8 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 9 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 10 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 11 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 12 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  • FASCINATING FACTS

    1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 2. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. 3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. 4. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

  • SIGNS WORTH READING (REAL)

    Department Store TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

  • DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY…

    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

GRUMPY SANTA ANSWERS LETTERS

Posted on December 13, 2008 by John

fire-fartDear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay.
Santa

—

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words: Jim Beam.
Santa

—

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Santa

P.S. Tell your mom she got the part.
Long Dong Claus

—

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house.
Santa

 

 

Do this test!

Do not look at the answers

You can do it in your head.

  

This Math Test can predict your
Role Model…
Try it without looking
at the Answer.!

Pick your Favorite number. from 1-9
Then multiply that number by 3.
Then Add 3, then Again Multiply by 3
You’ll get a 2 digit number.
Add the digits. (Example if the answer is 71 add 7+1 which equals 8)

Scroll down……………….
 
/

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now with that number.
See Who Your ROLE MODEL is
from the list below :

1.    Einstein 

2.    Nelson Mandela

3.    Jacob Zuma 

4.    Tom Cruise

5.    Bill Gates

6.    Gandhi

7.    Brad Pitt 

8.    Hitler 

9.   The Hip Grandpa

10.  Barack Obama  

I  love you honesty & I cannot blame you for choosing me. Isn’t it scary to know that I am your role model! By the way If you didn’t choose me. You need a refresher course in math  

 

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGED

Schizophrenia -Do I Hear What I Hear?    Multiple Personality Disorder -We Three Kings Disoriented Are    Amnesia -I Don’t Know if I’ll be Home for Christmas    Manic, Bipolar -Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and  Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and…    Depression – I’ll have a Blue Christmas With or Without You.    Paranoid -Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me    Borderline Compulsive Disorder -Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,  Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…     Senile Dementia -Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House In My Slippers and Robe

Filed under: Cartoons, Grandparents, Humor, John Lehman, Jokes, Jokes, Humor, Stories, Grandparents, Questionable Advice, Cartoons, Questionable Advice, Stories | Tagged: , ,

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