SNORKELING IN WISCONSIN

Snorkeling in Wisconsin. Police believe alcohol may have been involved.

Three Thoughts for 2009

 

Life is sexually transmitted.

 

Some people are like a Slinky… Not really good for anything, but you Still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

 

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of Nothing.

 

 

 

THE YEAR 1908

 

·         One hundred years ago. What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1908:

 

·         The average life expectancy was 47 years.

 

·         Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

 

·         Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

 

·         There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

 

·         The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

 

·         The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

 

·         The average wage in 1908 was 22 cents per hour.

 

·         The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .

 

·         A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, 

 

·         A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

 

·         More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .

 

·         Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which Were condemned in the press AND the government as ’substandard. ‘

 

·         Sugar cost four cents a pound.

 

·         Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

 

·         Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

 

·         Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

 

·         Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from Entering into their country for any reason.

 

·         Five leading causes of death were:

1. Pneumonia and influenza 
2. Tuberculosis 
3. Diarrhea 
4. Heart disease 
5. Stroke

 

·         The American flag had 45 stars.

 

·         The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was only 30!!!!

 

·         Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn’t been invented yet.

 

·         There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

 

·         Two out of every 10 adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

 

·         Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.

·         Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

 

·         There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!

 

Borrow Money from Pessimists

 

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous erudite comic who once said: “I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.” His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to our amazement.

 

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

 

2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.

 

4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

5 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

 

6 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

 

7 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

 

8 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

9 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

 

10 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

 

11 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

 

12 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.