TAKE THIS QUICK TEST
This takes two minutes at the most and will not only predict how long you’ll live but give you the virtual age you are at now. This’ll either scare you or elate you. If you answer truthfully it is a cool tool.
http://www.sonnyradio.com/realage3.swf
Click on it and be amazed. – The Hip Grandpa
‘If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.’ - Johnny Carson
‘Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography’ – Paul Rodriguez
‘My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.’ – Jerry Seinfeld
TWO JOKES WORTH REPEATING TO OTHERS
TALKING DOG
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale ‘ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
‘You talk?’ he asks.
‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’
‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that crap.’
DUCKS IN HEAVEN !
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, ‘We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!’
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, ‘Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!’ The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says,
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‘I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?’
Filed under: Cartoons, Grandparents, Humor, John Lehman, Jokes, Jokes, Humor, Stories, Grandparents, Questionable Advice, Cartoons, Questionable Advice, Stories | Tagged: Check Life Expectancy, Ducks in Heaven, Elivs, Jerry Seinfeld, Johnny Carson, Paul Rodriguez, Talking Dog, Virtual Age
