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    Want to go into business for yourself and need some basic sales and marketing tools. Take a quick look at my JumpStartNewBusiness.com. It may just be the answer to your prayers. In any case, add "The Hip Grandpa" to your Favorites and check it often. Thanks for your interest and suggestions. - John
  • Recent Comments

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  • TOO MANY POETS

    Ignore the depressed, alcoholic and suicidal poets and those who teach students, they can’t write. Listen to the four-year-old, alone in the attic singing, “I’ve been working on the rainbow” quietly to himself.
  • THINK ABOUT IT

    1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 6 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 7 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 8 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 9 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 10 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 11 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 12 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  • FASCINATING FACTS

    1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. 2. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. 3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. 4. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
  • SIGNS WORTH READING (REAL)

    Department Store TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD Outside a second hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
  • DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY…

    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

HOW DUMB ARE U

TODAY’S SPOT QUIZ

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1. What do you put in a toaster? 

The answer is bread. If you said “toast”, then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread”, go to question 2.

 2. Say “silk” five times. Now spell “silk”. What do cows drink?

 Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk”, please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such ! as “Children’s World”. If you said, “water” then proceed to question three.

 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks”, what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said “glass”, then go on to question four.

 4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury! the survivors – East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?

Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors” then proceed to the next question.

 5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

Answer: One degree. If you said “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree”, you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.

6. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver? 

Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!!

Amry-Vehicle

Injured-Ducks

Teen-Pregnancy

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