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Ignore the depressed,
alcoholic and suicidal
poets
and those who teach
students, they can’t
write.
Listen to the four-year-old, alone in the attic
singing,
“I’ve been working on
the rainbow” quietly
to himself.
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
6 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
7 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
8 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
9 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
10 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
11 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
12 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
2. If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
3. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
4. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Department Store
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT
BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN
ON THE DRAINING BOARD
Outside a second hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?